Chapter Two - In which we meet our main character
"To me Dave, and then lower it a bit down your side. And Geoff you can gonna have to push it harder than that, even my aunt could push harder than that and she's got gout in her right big toe."
Neil was giving the orders from inside the back porch. He had shaggy black hair, quite a thin figure and wore a tee shirt and jeans despite the obvious nip in the air. Dave was under the palleted, rectangle of a box, the bearded face wheezed a bit with the weight and grew a rosy red with the added exertion. Geoff had the back end and was trying quite hard, but as noted by Neil, his pushing skills were not the best. He had to manoeuvre the bottom end of the crate through the edges of the door frame. It looked like it would have to be a paint job on the door jambs after they had been. I thought that my best place was in the kitchen with...
tschik, tschik
...a boiling kettle and arranging the biscuits on a plate after their efforts.
The crate was placed in the back porch with its backside, well not excatly its backside as they don't have them. I mean can you imagine the crate farting like a cart horse. Well don't. The back end of the packing crate was against the only window in the back porch. Geoff called to me and asked for another signature and then handed over a crowbar and an envelope.
"According to the instructions that I have been given, I need to give you this crowbar and this envelope. 'You are to open the envelope and read the instructions here within the envelope'", reading from his clipboard. "Its a bit particular but I have to make sure that I do this to the letter otherwise the insurance doesn't cover me or the other two."
"Sounds a bit like that film with those furballs, you know the ones Neil. Bugger it, its on the tip of my tongue. They made two films, the first one was the better one, come on, the one where you can't feed it after midnight."
"Mrffgh" Neil's mouth is full of slightly soggy crumbs.
"that's it, I knew you would know. You always have the mind for the useful stuff. Nice cup o' tea, mate. Good luck with the unpacking. Night." And with that Dave puts the cup on the 'fridge and walks out towards the van. Neil follows whilst trying to excavate a crumb from out of one his teeth with his finger. A wave and then he is gone into the night.
"Remember the instructions, 'cos you have signed for it now, it's not my fault, now." Then Geoff disappears into the night, it seems that the fog has come down in what seems a matter of minutes.
I pour some slightly tepid water over a teabag in the mug, the liquid turns from colourless to brown to a lighter paler brown as I tip some milk into it. I stir the tea and spoon the bag out, sit down at the table in the kitchen and start to stare at the...
tschik, tschik
...envelope. It is an A4 envelope with a slight definite cylindrical bulge at the bottom of it. I tear at the top and hook my finger under the flap and pull. Turning the envelope upside down, a candle falls out and a single piece of A4 slides out.
'Please, sorry for the delay in your order. We have run out of the pre-paid item, so please accept this item as a replacement.
It is known as a Zanzibarian Cupboard. It is made from the door taken from a Zanzibar home and the cupboard is made around the size of the door with an assortment of drawers of varying sizes.
Before you can fully enjoy this wonderful piece of furniture from the Indian Ocean, you will need to follow the instructions shown below:
Light the enclosed candle for a full minute, no more or less.
Stand the candle up in a darkened room, whilst you open the crate up with the supplied crowbar. If you have not been supplied with a crow bar, contact the courier. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT use any other domestic or industrial crowbar. Keep the lumber from the packing, do not burn or recycle.
When you have only the cupboard resting on the supplied pallet, do not, I repeat, DO NOT clean the mud of the door. But open the door and pull the drawers out of the internal cupboard frame, carefully.
Take the candle from the darkened room and rub the unburnt end on to the drawer sides. This will help will the ease of the running of the drawers.
Thank you for taking the time to read the instructions and complying with them. Please enjoy this product.'
No more instructions and nothing on the back of the sheet. Not even a name of the packing person.
Chapter Three and Four tomorrow - as I will be away from a computer for a day - in which you find out where the Zanzibar came from (yes alright, Zanzibar) and then what happens when you open the first drawer (nah-night)
Neil was giving the orders from inside the back porch. He had shaggy black hair, quite a thin figure and wore a tee shirt and jeans despite the obvious nip in the air. Dave was under the palleted, rectangle of a box, the bearded face wheezed a bit with the weight and grew a rosy red with the added exertion. Geoff had the back end and was trying quite hard, but as noted by Neil, his pushing skills were not the best. He had to manoeuvre the bottom end of the crate through the edges of the door frame. It looked like it would have to be a paint job on the door jambs after they had been. I thought that my best place was in the kitchen with...
tschik, tschik
...a boiling kettle and arranging the biscuits on a plate after their efforts.
The crate was placed in the back porch with its backside, well not excatly its backside as they don't have them. I mean can you imagine the crate farting like a cart horse. Well don't. The back end of the packing crate was against the only window in the back porch. Geoff called to me and asked for another signature and then handed over a crowbar and an envelope.
"According to the instructions that I have been given, I need to give you this crowbar and this envelope. 'You are to open the envelope and read the instructions here within the envelope'", reading from his clipboard. "Its a bit particular but I have to make sure that I do this to the letter otherwise the insurance doesn't cover me or the other two."
"Sounds a bit like that film with those furballs, you know the ones Neil. Bugger it, its on the tip of my tongue. They made two films, the first one was the better one, come on, the one where you can't feed it after midnight."
"Mrffgh" Neil's mouth is full of slightly soggy crumbs.
"that's it, I knew you would know. You always have the mind for the useful stuff. Nice cup o' tea, mate. Good luck with the unpacking. Night." And with that Dave puts the cup on the 'fridge and walks out towards the van. Neil follows whilst trying to excavate a crumb from out of one his teeth with his finger. A wave and then he is gone into the night.
"Remember the instructions, 'cos you have signed for it now, it's not my fault, now." Then Geoff disappears into the night, it seems that the fog has come down in what seems a matter of minutes.
I pour some slightly tepid water over a teabag in the mug, the liquid turns from colourless to brown to a lighter paler brown as I tip some milk into it. I stir the tea and spoon the bag out, sit down at the table in the kitchen and start to stare at the...
tschik, tschik
...envelope. It is an A4 envelope with a slight definite cylindrical bulge at the bottom of it. I tear at the top and hook my finger under the flap and pull. Turning the envelope upside down, a candle falls out and a single piece of A4 slides out.
'Please, sorry for the delay in your order. We have run out of the pre-paid item, so please accept this item as a replacement.
It is known as a Zanzibarian Cupboard. It is made from the door taken from a Zanzibar home and the cupboard is made around the size of the door with an assortment of drawers of varying sizes.
Before you can fully enjoy this wonderful piece of furniture from the Indian Ocean, you will need to follow the instructions shown below:
Light the enclosed candle for a full minute, no more or less.
Stand the candle up in a darkened room, whilst you open the crate up with the supplied crowbar. If you have not been supplied with a crow bar, contact the courier. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT use any other domestic or industrial crowbar. Keep the lumber from the packing, do not burn or recycle.
When you have only the cupboard resting on the supplied pallet, do not, I repeat, DO NOT clean the mud of the door. But open the door and pull the drawers out of the internal cupboard frame, carefully.
Take the candle from the darkened room and rub the unburnt end on to the drawer sides. This will help will the ease of the running of the drawers.
Thank you for taking the time to read the instructions and complying with them. Please enjoy this product.'
No more instructions and nothing on the back of the sheet. Not even a name of the packing person.
Chapter Three and Four tomorrow - as I will be away from a computer for a day - in which you find out where the Zanzibar came from (yes alright, Zanzibar) and then what happens when you open the first drawer (nah-night)
posted by A teacher returning to Geography Education at 2:56 PM
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